Spiritual Giant Vs Spiritual Ants

Once in a while I find myself comparing myself with others in the areas of ministry and work. The problem is that it is not a "so-that-I-can-improve-myself" kind of comparison, it's the "I-would-have-done-a-better-job" and the "I-used-to-do-a-better-job" kind of thought and it is disturbing. Where is the humility? Yes, this happens even in church, especially when I see someone else doing something which I'm good at (or used to be good at). Maybe it's in my nature to feel like that since I have a super big ego, but then again, that shouldn't be an excuse for being such a smuck.

And as usual, God has something to say about that. Just as I was doing my TAWG, I came across this passage:

2 Corinthians 10:12-18 (New International Version)

12We do not dare to classify or compare ourselves with some who commend themselves. When they measure themselves by themselves and compare themselves with themselves, they are not wise. 13We, however, will not boast beyond proper limits, but will confine our boasting to the field God has assigned to us, a field that reaches even to you. 14We are not going too far in our boasting, as would be the case if we had not come to you, for we did get as far as you with the gospel of Christ. 15Neither do we go beyond our limits by boasting of work done by others.[a] Our hope is that, as your faith continues to grow, our area of activity among you will greatly expand, 16so that we can preach the gospel in the regions beyond you. For we do not want to boast about work already done in another man's territory. 17But, "Let him who boasts boast in the Lord."[b] 18For it is not the one who commends himself who is approved, but the one whom the Lord commends.

Dennis Fisher further elaborates this verse in Our Daily Bread:

Some people in the church mistakenly think of themselves as spiritual giants. These “big fish in a small pond” may feel they are superior because of their position. Of this misguided self-promotion, Paul wrote, “Comparing themselves among themselves, [they] are not wise” (2 Cor. 10:12).

Others may feel their spiritual growth is stunted because they don’t play a visible role. This is also wrong. Sometimes those who are growing the most may feel inferior to those who maintain a hypocritical façade of legalistic perfection. Spiritual comparisons are always unwise. Only the Lord is the true judge of spiritual growth.

Well said Mr Fisher. In my own way, I've used to think that I was a Spiritual Giant cos' I used to be a pioneering cell leader/worship leader/spiritual parent etc. Plus I've been in this church for 15 years, that should count for something right? Ha ha, wrong as usual. I'm just so glad that God has saved some face for me by not shaming me publicly every time I get big headed.

What I want to be is a Spiritual GiAnt - hardworking, believes in team work and labour not for oneself but for the colony. Lord please make me like an spiritual Atom Ant, or better yet, make me like You.

2 Flaws Down

I realised some things about myself that I'm very concerned about, personally I think they are my biggest flaws.

1) Impatience

I think I have a very low tolerance in this area. Maybe that is why I'm not a good coach or teacher. This is especially evident during band practices cos' I cannot stand it when musicians cannot get the song right or when singers cannot get the tune right! I may cut a little more slack for the musicians but I get very upset with the singers cos' it shows that they are not listening at all! I always have the urge during practice to turn around that shout out, "Oi, can you guys stop singing along with the CD and listen carefully to what they are singing first???" It's amazing how we end up changing the tune of the song every time we sing it. I'm not a great singer, but come on people, at least try and sing in tune right??? Ok ok... must love people...

2) The-Need-To-Blame-Somebody mentality

This one's scary. To me in every situation, there is a cause and effect. This means that things don't just happen, someone let it or made it happen. For example, I'm lying on the couch watching TV and suddenly my hunny calls for help in the bedroom. I get up from the couch and accidentally kick my leg against the coffee table. This is what goes on in my mind: "OUCH! Why in the world did I hit myself? I walk through this place all the time and this does not happen so why did it happen this time? Oh... it's because hunny called for me and it startled me so in the rush I hurt myself. So who's fault that I'm in pain? HUNNY..." Sounds irrational? I think so too but that is exactly what goes through my mind when something happens!

I am so weird...

Forgiveness

How many times must a person apologise to me before I forgive him? I guess it depends if he was really repentant. But what does the bible say about this?

Matthew 18:21 (New International Version)

The Parable of the Unmerciful Servant

21Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, "Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother when he sins against me? Up to seven times?"

Ok, seven.... so I haven't used up my quota yet...

When ever I think about forgiveness, I think about the guy who cheated us of more than 20K of our hard earned money when he ran away with our payment for the renovation of our flat. He was a friend, and that was probably why it was tougher to forgive him cos' I trusted him like a brother. And till this day, he still refuse to admit to his mistake even though all the evidence were against him. He claimed that the money given to him were deposited into his friend's bank account cos' he was going through a divorce at that time and thus if he deposited the money into his own bank account, his wife will be entitled to a portion of it. And then the money conveniently disappears and he says that his friend has withdrawn it without his knowledge. He was unable to recover the money because his "friend" has gambled it away. We then found out that he was already an undischarged bankrupt when he tricked us into using his company fo the renovation project. The reciepts that were issued to us were fraudulent because his company had closed down a year ago. Tell me again that this is not cheating??
I might have chosen to forgive him and work out a way for him to pay me back slowly if he had simply admitted to his folly and asked for forgiveness. Too bad for him but this is now a police case and I have no intention of simply letting it go.

To the people I have sinned against, I'm truly sorry if I've caused you any hurt. Especially those close to me. certainly i did not wake up one day and decided to plot against you so that I may see you suffer. I can understand if you may be more wary of me if I ask you to trust me again. It's simple, once bitten twice shy, twice bitten never try. However, do give me the opportunity of being innocent until proven guilty. It's the same with the guy who cheated me. I cannot do anything until the court proves him guilty.

This is my simple request.

That time of the day...

Ever had one of those days when nothing actually went wrong but you just feel like cxxp? Today was one of those days for me.

Started as I was on the way to work... usually I'll chat with the cab driver but today I just didn't feel like it. I must have been frowning all the way to work cos' I ended up with a terrible headache at the office. I thought maybe things would get better after I take my breakfast (men just cannot stay hungry!), but when I was looking for my makan buddies, they were no where to be found. It was only later that I found out that they went for breakfast without me!!! Ok, not their fault cos' they went around asking if anybody wanted anything but I was a little late so they missed me. Then I thought maybe I should just find a corner and take a short nap cos' I could not really keep my eyes open. Before I could even rest for 10 mins, I was told that they needed me to attend to something urgently. So that was how the morning went- tired, hungry and...ok, mainly hungry.

And as if things cannot get any worse, I had to work through lunch! Those who know me know that my pet peeve is having to go hungry...just ask my wife, I'm totally unapproachable and you can almost see the horns on my head. Thank goodness my colleague offerred to buy something back for me. So I ordered a cheesy steak sandwich from SUBWAY but guess what, I had no time to eat!!! Erm... the sandwich is still in my bag as I'm typing this. And to add fuel to the fire, they told me that I cannot clear my off-in-lieu (OIL) tomorrow cos' they are under staffed...but the funny thing is that they could afford to let someone else clear his off cos' he will be going for an overseas assignment in a couple of days thus would not have the chance to clear them. Duh!!! Who has more OILs? He has less than 10 and I have over 20!!! Shouldn't the priority be given to me??? By the time I left the office, I was ready to scream...

Thinking back, I should have just taken a time out and shut in with God and pray. It is so human to try and do everything possible to make a bad situation better only to find that things just get worse. Why is it that we tend to shut off from Him when He is calling out to us? If only I had dug my ears I would have heard what He was trying to tell me through my hunger - "Son...just like you cannot function on an empty stomach, your spirit man cannot function without my daily bread." Simple fact which we all forget. God, forgive me for always spending time with You only at the end of the day. No wonder I'm exhausted. I'm not missing breakfast from now on.

Anyway, God has a way of perking me up... He brings me this...



That's the time of the day I look forward to. That's God's gift to me. Someone who'll love me even when I'm hungry. ;o)

Lord, thank You for being so real today.

First Posting

First of all, a very big Thank You to the sisters of Kel_Cell who by the guiding hand of God, bought me a book by John Eldredge titled "Wild At Heart". The phrase "it's about time" is most apt in this case cos' I know that God has been trying to give me a wake up call concerning my life but I guess I just wasn't listening. I can only say that God never gives up on us...never ever.

This book is exactly what I need for this season, and since the day I started reading it, I haven't been able to put it down. It's not just how the author engages you with his stories, it's the very essence of this book- Discovering the secret of a Man's soul. For too long I've tried to distance myself from countless men's seminars conducted in different churches. Reason is that they all fail to challenge me in terms of what being a man is really all about. It's usually about what a good Christian man ought to be or do. They talk about qualities we should strive to possess and how to be a better Christian but what they don't do is to talk about what a man is really all about- that God has created us with a constant need for adventures, battles to fight and a beauty to save. It's a life of freedom, passion and adventure and this is exactly what I need. After reading this book for the first time, God has challenged me to do two things- To fight and to pursue.

To Fight for:
1) The right to be the man whom God as intended for me to be.
2) What God has placed in my custodianship- my family, finances and giftings etc.
3) For the opportunities to serve Him.

To Pursue:
1) Him.
2) My wife.
3) My passions.

Looks like this year is going to be a year of adventure for me. And I'll be sharing them regularly on this blog in hope that it may encourage all of us who read it. Just before I go, allow me to share with you the lyrics to the song of my day...

When the oceans rise and thunders roar,
I will soar with You above the storm,
Father You are King over the flood,
I will be still and know You are God.

(Thank you hunny for playing the song)